Laugh Date: Thursday, February 22, 2018

What's Inside

RaNdOm AcCeSs HuMoR
Version 3.0

Not a significant source of depression, dogma, self pity,
whining, or other non-funny extremist nonsense.
Amount/Serving %RDA Amount/Serving %RDA
Serv. Size
1 website
Total Jokes: 130 154% Original
Thoughts: 9
Jokes From
Fatheads: 4
80% Conundrums: 5 63%
Puns: 5 250% Healthy
Skepticism: 8
Dogma: 0
0% Liberal
Whining: 0

Displayed using 100% recycled electrons.

Filmed before a virtual W³ audience.

Random Access Humor is an irregular production of:

Industrial Smoke & Mirrors, Ltd.
32768 Infinite Loop
Sillycon Valley, CA. 80486-DX2
USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way

Kung Pao Har Hoo, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc., F.A.C.S., C.P.A.,
S.P.C.A., Y.M.C.A., L.E.D., Q.E.D., op.cit., et. al.
President, CEO, Resident Overachiever


The "look and feel" of Random Access Humor has been specifically
earmarked, spindled and polygraphed. Anyone who attempts to copy
this look and feel without the express written consent of the publisher
will be fed to rabid, radioactive hamsters by our Security Director,
Vinnie "The Knife" Calamari.

Vinnie the Knife and his hamsters

This site is rated PI. The content here is Politically Incorrect.
Those with closed minds should go no further.

DANGER: Open Mind

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(Slogan: Tricking cyber-weenies into reading something useful
since last Thursday.
Copyright © 1996-2002 Industrial Smoke & Mirrors, Ltd. All Rights Reserved

Adult Babies
(People who never mature, at least on certain levels.)

Democratic congress-critters.
All their tantrums won't bring back their power...

GOP to Senator Jeffords
"You are the weakest link, goodbye!"

(one or more countries located somewhere in Europe.)

Hyphenated name or not, this was definitely a shotgun wedding.

Pat Buchanan (Journalist, political common tater.)
"Decency. My concept of it, not yours, pinhead!"

H. Ross Perot
(Hearer of sucking sounds - formerly sold vacuum cleaners.)

"Pay attention to me...I'm rich!"

Jimmy Carter (Georgia peanut. Former democrat farmer.)
I'm no longer the worst president in U.S. history.
Thanks, Bill."

William Jefferson "Yes, Dear" Clinton
(former governor of Arkansas)

"Hey, no one with Jefferson in his name could be
a bad president! Right?Right??"

Hillary Rodham Clinton
(Absolute expert on everything, except her own legal career.)

"Now that this election is over, I'm back in your face!
No, not on your face, dear."

Monica Lewinsky
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing!"

Marc Rich
"Pardon me?"

Get Over It! (What the liberals need to do.)
A wonderful, politically incorrect song by The Eagles from their 1994
album, Hell Freezes Over. Doesn't everyone know some folks
whose inner children could use a good spanking?

Bob Dole (Former senator and presidential candidate.)
"I do so have more charisma than a pineapple!"

Sex, Drugs (well, alcohol & caffeine), Guns, and Rock & Roll.
These are a few of our favorite things... The first of these is arguably the
best of all, so why is it the toughest to find (at least in reasonable quality
and quantity)? Alright, some of us do have better luck than others...

Ted Kennedy (Profession pain feeler and part-time stunt driver.)
"Come on down to the Ted Kennedy Driving School!
We'll show you how to make a real splash!"

Ronald Reagan
(A fair actor, but a great President. If only he remembered.)

"Duh... Which way did he go, George?"

George H.W. Bush (Former war hero and commander-in-chief.)
"Off a bridge, senility breath! Don't you remember anything?"

National Transportation Safety Board
"We strongly recommend against riding in any form of motorized conveyance
operated by a member of the Kennedy family.
Particularly if said conveyance will be operated near any body of water."

Dave "The Procrastinator" Bealer
(Programmer, humorist, cat ownee.)

"Was Wile E. Coyote a member of MENSA?"

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, (you know the rest.)
"Those bloody Vikings are at it again!
Oh, and baked beans are off!"

Al "The Black Knight" Gore
"I'm invincible!"

George W. "King Arthur" Bush
"You're a looney!"

Al "The Black Knight" Gore
"The New Democrat always triumphs!"

French Taunter (John Cleese in a stupid medieval costume.)
"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster,
and your father..smelt..of elderberries!"

Vinnie "The Knife" Calamari (Security Director of ISM, Ltd.)
"Hey, your mother didn't happen to be a rabid,
radioactive hamster? Like this one?"

Arthur, King of the Britons & all his daffy English K-niggets.
"Run away! Run away! Flee! Run away! Run away! I did it again!"

Classic RAH


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