Laugh Date: Thursday, February 22, 2018

What's Inside

Best of RAH96
Taglines From February 1997

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. - Mark Twain

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and
car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain

There are no dull subjects. There are only dull writers. - H.L. Mencken

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?
It is because we are not the person involved. - Mark Twain

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed." - Dorothy Parker

He is useless on top of the ground. He should be under it, inspiring the cabbages. - Mark Twain

(My) execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick. - Dilbert

"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice. - Bart Simpson

"Bother" said Pooh, as he hid the Death Star plans in his hunny pot.

Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? - Tim

"Ow do you know she is a witch?" "She turned me into a NEWT!"

Mainframes (n) - your coolest pair of glasses.

What is it? Why, lovely lady, it is a tribble. - Cyrano Jones

The Bela Lugosi. Yes, he's still alive. - Ed Wood

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et out the .45?

Baby oil is not made by squeezing dead babies!

That will really help the centuries fly by. - Rimmer

Bacon and eggs - hens are involved, but pigs are committed.

Rose's are red, Violet's are blue, and Vanna's are White.

Bad day - when the fortune teller refunds your money.

Crazy is a relative term in my family.

Babysitters - girls you hire to watch your TV.

Bach did it with his organ.

When I was a boy we carved our own ICs out of wood.

Bachelor - a guy who is footloose and fiance-free.

I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.

Back the Metric System every inch of the way!

Toddlers - the storm troopers of the dark lord of entropy.

What is "scratch" and why can everything be made from it?

Back when undergarments had no erotic appeal. - Tom Servo

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

Peace through superior firepower.

Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your daughter's involved with Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.

The reason that God was able to create the world in seven days is that he didn't have to worry about the installed base.

Random order = oxymoron

Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!

WARNING! I cannot be held responsible for the above because my cats have apparently learned to type.

Galileo and Copernicus were wrong. The world revolves around me.

Earth is a beta site.

Faith is believing what you know ain't so. - Mark Twain

Edward Scissorhands was an early Borg prototype.

Hotel California Online - "you can logoff anytime you like, but you..."

Fission - outdoor sport favored by nuclear physicists.

This is not a novel to be thrown aside lightly, it should be thrown with great force. - Dorothy Parker

Famous Last Words: It's perfectly safe. Let me show you.

Game show hosts do it behind door #3.

Either he's dead, Jim, or my tricorder is running Windows.

Fast - Cheap - Good. Pick two.

Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a web designer!

Stick \'stik\ (n). 1: A boomerang that doesn't work.

Defend the Constitution from all enemies, foreign and elected.

Tact: describing others as they see themselves.

Disney's Law: children under 12 must be accompanied by money.

Quasimodo is a dead ringer.

He who hesitates is lunch.


Random Nonsense:
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.

Classic RAH


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